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A New Kind of Self-Help – 6 Tips to Unfu*k Yourself

by Kylie Ora Lobell
featured, freelancing, money & life, upcoming

Life is bumpy. You may be having a mid-life crisis, feel like you can’t get ahead in your career or generally go through your days feeling angry, sad or frustrated. You might have read numerous self-help books that told you to talk kindly to and love yourself. And at the end of the day, you’re still in a tough situation and nothing has changed.

Gary John Bishop recently released a new book Unfu*k Yourself that provides an alternative to cozy self-help books. His straightforward advice emphasizes the need to get tough on yourself and stop repeating the same destructive behaviors over and over. As his candid book title When you unfu*k yourself, you can go after what you want, achieve your dreams, and wake up every morning ready to seize the day.    

Based on his best-selling book, here are some steps you can take to unfu*k yourself and get to where you want to go in life.

Change your language
Want to get a better job? Say, “I’m getting a better job.” Want to lose weight? Tell yourself, “I’m losing weight.” Language is crucial because you are what you speak. Switch your negative words to positive ones. For instance, if you always say, “That’s impossible” or “I can’t,” you will start to feel defeated, frustrated, hopeless and angry.

Instead, if you say, “I haven’t worked it out yet” or “I can,” you will feel hopeful, optimistic and calm. How you discuss what you are feeling can either work for or against you. Every time you try to describe what you’re feeling, ask yourself if your language is building or destroying something, and if it’s working for or against you. Then, you can start to feel better about whatever it is you’re dealing with currently.

Foster the will for change
We all want to have tons of money and do what we love every single day. But of course, it’s not that easy. You have to be ready to take the risks it takes to get to where you want in life. Are you willing to work 80 hours every week? Are you prepared to skip holidays? Will you put everything on the line to live out your dreams? Are you able to embrace uncertainty? After all, success is unpredictable, even if you work smart and work hard.

You have to keep going no matter what if you really want to unf*ck yourself. After all, according to Gary John Bishop, “True relentlessness comes when the only thing you have left is relentlessness. When it seems all is lost and all hope and evidence for success have long since vanished, relentlessness is the fuel that drives you through.”

Know that every problem is solvable
You always have control over your life, and you can solve any issue you come across. Even if you can’t see a solution to a problem, it means you just haven’t figured it out yet. Keep reinforcing positivity, and you will eventually work out how to solve whatever it is you are going through.

Nobody is standing in your way except for yourself
You may believe that you’d have a better life if your boss was nicer, or your colleagues worked harder or your landlord wasn’t always bugging you. The truth is, none of these outside factors matter. They have no control over your life.

Nobody is standing in your way. Your circumstances are not thwarting your ability to thrive and succeed. It’s just yourself and the negative language you tell yourself that is holding you back. As Bishop writes, “You have the life you’re willing to put up with.” Don’t put up with a terrible situation anymore, and you won’t be f*cked.

You are your actions, not your thoughts
You might not feel like going to the gym, attending a networking event or asking your boss for a raise. But f*ck your feelings. You are not your feelings and thoughts. You are what you do. Don’t think about going to the gym or the networking event or confronting your boss. Just do it. You don’t have to feel like today is your day. You just have to act like it. Go out there and grab what you want.

Expect nothing and accept everything that comes to you
It can be frustrating to work hard and do everything right and still not get anywhere. You might be thinking, “I’ve put in years of work so I should be the CEO of my company/the top salesman in the state/a best-selling author.” The world does not function like that, though. Even the most talented and motivated people can sometimes get nowhere.

And you will only constantly be let down if you expect the world. Instead of thinking there will be a positive consequence coming out of everything you do, expect nothing and accept everything. Accept the losses, the failures and the setbacks. Accept feeling f*cked.

The greater the gap between what you expect to occur and what actually occurs, the more dissatisfied you will be. So just exist in the moment, deal with what happens to you and keep pushing forward. Only then will you unf*ck yourself.

Do you want to learn more ways to get ahead in life and achieve all of your hopes and dreams? Enroll in Gary John Bishop’s CreativeLive class, “Stop Making Excuses,” today.

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Kylie Ora Lobell

Kylie Ora Lobell writes for brands, blogs, and print publications. She covers content marketing, digital marketing, and runs Kylie's Tips for Writers, a blog about writing.